http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=22152&id=100000127256613&l=202832ca51

Then I realized that the hassle of getting replacement filters without a vehicle, with dial-up internet service and with a household cash budget of $40 which also covers propane usage was just not worth doing. I visualized myself cutting old sheets into little circles before I would take three buses to a place in Hilo that carried the filters.

My motivation to simply wash the filter again and again was based on convenience. Ha!

That thought made me smile. In Tom Brown’s book The Grandfather, his “adopted” native American grandfather says in regard to the destructive lifestyle of the modern western white-man, “You are eating your grandchildren for the sake of convenience.” Well, isn’t this a surprising twist.

Originally it was my intentions that created this lifestyle I am living. At first my choices in each moment (in which I was aware that I was about to make a choice) were based on a commitment not to exploit others (including the earth and other lifeforms). This took awareness and discipline and struggle and guilt. But as my life began to transform into greater and greater simplicity, my choices became easier. The convenient choice became more and more the choice in alignment with my intention. Which is really good news because doing anything that relies on constant discipline has never been sustainable for me.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=21433&id=100000127256613&l=ba53377bf3

BTW: Does anyone know how to import some of my facebook albums and posts directly into this website instead of just posting the link? I just got an iPhone (translated means that now we have Internet access that is not dial-up) and have been having a blast uploading photos. Now I realize that I should have been doing that here onto our website. Karin

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• Pond House (new ferro cement building w/barrel vault roof- our main living space) 
  • make form for plastering the gable edge
  • dig footings for reflecting pond/catchment
  • dig footings for entry
  • pour last (3rd) layer of concrete on the barrel vaults and apply water proofing
  • plaster/burnish interior and exterior surfaces
  • continue building rock retaining wall between pond and building
  • decide on design for wood burning stove/oven and build
  • decide on design for alcohol burning stove and build

• Barn (standing dead or recycled ohia posts w/recycled metal roofing)
  • organize new barn area (pare down)
  • dismantle remaining section of old barn (pare down)
  • complete last three sections of barn
  • move salvaged plywood and redwood lumber undercover at school room eaves

• Drying Area/Shower/Greenhouse
  • organize linens/clothing into containers
  • design ohia/paper bark post and w/lexan roofing structure

• Intern Area
  • plant vetiver grass barrier surrounding intern garden (to keep out chickens)
  • plant more pineapple, ginger, turmeric, perennial greens
  • plant coffee understory
  • cut down wili wili trees at entry where carport used to be

LAND

• Nursery
  • up pot peach palm, coffee, key lime,
  • plant in flats: african oil palm, american oil palm, chilean wine palm, neem, moringa, jabotikaba, brazilian cherry, pigeon pea, acerola, kapok,
  • starts for intern kitchen garden (perennial cilantro, eggplant, okra, cherry tomato, marigold, pepper varieties, basil, dill, parsley, fennel, beans,
  • starts for crops (peanuts, sunflowers, cassava…)
  • make cuttings of collards and root in cinder pile
  • make cuttings of sweet potato, root and plant in cinder pile
  • propagate cardamom, various bamboo varieties, mulberry, chaya, begonia, garlic chives, gotu kola, taro,

• Orchards
  • lay weed mat over patches of cane grass in orchard areas
  • plant banana kekei’s on north of each fruit/nut tree for water supply…
  • clear to drip line around each fruit/nut tree, design and plant individual guilds (including perennial peanut or sun hemp as nitrogen-fixing)
  • add cinder to any rough lava areas
  • harvest cacao and ferment (save some for nursery starts)
  • harvest coffee and dry, roast
  • broadcast hawaiian pumpkin, chaya in young orchards for weed control
  • weed spice tree orchard

• Garden
  • design and layout raised keyhole garden around pond
  • relocate wing bean, lab lab bean, long bean and tropical lima bean trellises

• Lawns/Pond
  • weed perennial peanut (esp. around taro and pineapple patches)
  • cinder to smooth out area around pond
  • plant acai palms around pond and pond house for 40% canopy cover
  • source water plants (wasabi, lotus, kang kong, water chestnut, reeds)

• Jungle
  • clear of weed trees the area along drive for guadua bamboo (timber) orchard

• Bamboo
  • weed all varieties of bamboo at border

• Pastures
  • build new (pallet) gate at upper (fallow) goat pasture
  • slowly replace wili wili fence posts (gall wasp damaged) with jakfruit, avocado, peach palm… seedlings

MISCELLANEOUS

• move ferro cement hot tub to area behind pond house and hook up chofu wood burning stove
• break down old pallets and store for firewood
• continue to work on farm map using aerial photo and GPS to plot trees
• continue to work on seasonal mandalla
• make more beeswax/kukui nut paste for sealing wood furniture
• set up aerobic composting system (try moringa) w/foliar sprayer
• create vehicle turnaround at carport
• experiment with sand water filter system
• find: pressure tank bladders, bike trailer,
• find seed/cutting source for:
• research: flywheel powered shop tool, pedal powered shop tool, sterling motor refrigeration, direct solar refrigeration, hydrogen fuel, high speed internet/phone options,
• create tropical medicinal plant database

ENTERPRISES

• read literature on how to operate still (essential oils, hydrosol, alcohol fuel, tinctures…)
• experiment: harvest and dry variety nuts (malabar chestnut, peach palm, jakfruit seeds…) , starches (cassava, breadfruit, yam…) and test with mill to make flour
• design aluminum bee hives/frames to eliminate problem with wood rotting
• build system to convert wood ashes to lye for soap making
• design and build bamboo and thatch structure for hot tub
• experiment: making charcoal from variety of woods (coconut husks, guava, pallets…)
• experiment: oil for lamp fuel, cooking, soap making, base for medicinals with variety of nuts/seeds (coconut, kukui, macnut…) using expeller press
• design and build solar dehydrator w/backup heat (wood)
• define and create backyard medicine cabinet (tinctures, salves….)

FUTURE (considerations)

• Land Lease (2.5 Acre 30+ year)
• define our needs
• explore contracts

• green drink (katook, honey, ginger, lemongrass, mint, perennial cilantro, ice, water, lemon or lime w/ a quarter of the skin) blended
• malabar chestnut steamed and eaten out of the shell with a petit spoon
• steamed plantain with grated ginger (leave the skins on the plantains while you steam, remove skins and add fresh grated ginger)
• ripe (soft) bread fruit, steamed then mashed with coconut milk/cream, sprinkled with toasted coconut and topped with lilikoi
• steamed taro with coconut oil (or…shhh… butter)
• nourishing breakfast smoothie (goat’s milk yogurt, 2 raw eggs, coconut – hard meat, banana, honey, spices (cardamom, ginger, black pepper, vanilla, nutmeg), mac nuts, seasonal fruit (pineapple, mango, jak fruit…) (sometimes cacao) blended with ice
• refreshing smoothie: ice, water, available fruit (banana, jak fruit, lime), honey blended
• egg omelet with plantain and cheese (ideally goat’s cheese)
• pudding snack: ground cacao, mashed banana, black pepper, ground mac nuts
• kombucha “tea (black or green tea, crushed sugar cane and kombucha culture)” with lime and honey
• jak fruit seeds ground and added to anything (like pork or any starch)
• steamed moringa or steamed steamed edible hibiscus with pineapple or mango vinegar
• sauted veggies (eggplant and or wing, long, string beans), ocean water, with scrambled eggs added in the end
• steamed lima beans with ocean water
• pigeon pea dahl (onion, tumeric, ginger, chives, ocean water, hot pepper, cumin, corriander, coconut milk/cream, toasted mustard seeds)
• half TBS roasted coffee, half TBS cacao — both ground very fine, honey, crushed contents of 2 cardamom pods- all boiled together until it froths 3 times (makes one cup turkish coffee)
• bedtime drink: heated goat’s milk with honey, ground nutmeg and coconut cream
• ground pig, sage, chives, hot pepper, plantain or banana, sea water
• coconut water from green or brown nuts, also sprouted coconut right out of the shell
• sauce for plain stuff like steamed breadfruit or taro or greens: toasted mac nuts ground with chives, hot pepper, liquid (pineapple skin tea, or vinegar, or lime juice, or lemon grass tea, or coconut milk…), ocean water, spices- ginger, herbs like perennial cilantro, black pepper, toasted mustard seed (tastes like a tahini dressing)
• pork roast browned then cooked for hours with just ocean water, black pepper and goats milk
• breadfruit pancakes: steamed breadfruit (unripe) grated and added to anything in the fridge or from the land (spices, veggies, herbs, greens), made into paddies and cooked in coconut oil
• avocado eaten out of the skin with ocean water, vinegar or lime/lemon and hot and or black pepper
• pudding: avocado, cacao, honey.
• toasted and ground mac nuts with honey, ground cacao mixed together and rolled into balls, rolled in toasted coconut. refrigerate
• green papaya salad: garlic chives, hot pepers, shredded green papaya, long beans, lime juice, honey, mac nuts chopped, , ocean water, tamarind- all chopped with mortar and pestle until juicy
• heart of palm salad: palm heart from peach palm (clumping palm), garlic chives, pineapple vinegar, ocean water, black pepper, ginger, coconut shredded
• papaya with lime juice
• curried chayote (or hawaiian pumpkin or eggplant or okra): coconut milk/cream, hot peppers (lots of kinds mixed), garlic chives, ginger or galanga, cumin, black pepper, ocean water, cilantro.
• kim chee: asian cabbage and perennial greens, hot peppers, ocean water (fermented)
• pesto: cilantro, coconut oil, mac nuts, ocean salt, lemon/lime juice, pepper corns, garlic chives (if only we could grow garlic here!)
• guacamole- avocado, hot pepper, lime juice, tomatillo, chives, cilantro, black pepper, ocean water
• pineapple salsa- pineapple, chives, cilantro, lemon juice, hot peppers, (garlic)
• dried bean stew- dried beans,
• sweet potato salad
• banana ice cream- frozen bananas (or pineapples or jak fruit…) run through champion juicer w/coconut cream
• chocolate sauce- cacao, coconut cream, vanilla blended (add mac nuts)
• curried egg salad (we used to eat a lot of this)

future (or haven’t yet tried these recipes):

• lau lau (taro leaves and miscl stuffings (pumpkin, spices, maybe a protein like fish or pork) steamed)
• beet ginger kraut- grated beets, ginger grated, chives- fermented
• cold soup- chopped mint, papaya chunks, lime juice, w/pineapples blended as sauce
• tilapia fish cooked with lime (once our pond starts producing tilapia big enough)
• lime juice avocado banana ginger pineapple tea water blended dressing over fruit
• mac nut ground, lemon juice, ocean water, ginger, hot pepper. honey – blended dressing
• papaya, lime juice, toasted mustard seeds, black pepper, ocean water, blended dressing
• dehydrated fruits (my kingdom for a solar dehydrator that can handle this humidity!)

• maybe a cow or two in a few yearshedges to hold a flock of sheep in the orchards
• the driveway turned into an enclosed pasture for horses or sheep
• corn crop for drying and millling
• peanut crop
• sugar cane crop
• sweet potato patch
• more taro patches from roof or sink runoffs
• pond plants (water cress, water chestnut, reeds…)
• more more more pineapple patches
• an acre or two of guadua bamboo (for building)
• an acre or two of a cash crop
• ground cover for orchards (pigeon pea? tumeric? perennial peanut?)

Other

• guest house
• solar dehydrator
• bio digester (to replace solar panels and batteries in the future)
• entry gate and sign at road with farm logo
• medicinal garden
• experimental one acre sustainable plot
• bamboo building class
• no more tarp structures
• ladders at pigeon peas for harvesting
• really tall ladder at peach palms for harvesting

For the intern homestead

• cacao (chocolate) trees
• coffee trees
• spice trees (nutmeg, cinnamon, all spice, clove)
• sugar cane patch
• pigeon pea understory

(the rainy season in the rain forest)

First off – we fly what is called Non-Rev which means very small cost to us because our son is a captain on U.S. West flying an Airbus. It also means that we get to fly after all the passengers are boarded and they have extra seats. That is the stress part for us. It’s shameful to dislike the people who show up just in time to board, but we do, as we think “there go our seats.”

We had checked pretty carefully regarding our chances to fly from Phoenix, where we were visiting our son and family, to Oahu, Hawaii and were able to get seat assignments. Leaving Oahu for the Big Island where our daughter and family has a farm, was stressful. Two flights that left did not have seats for us, but did for other Non-Revs that rated above us. Finally the last flight to leave that night at 7 pm had two seats available and we got them.

We arrived at the farm at 9 p.m. Hawaiian time and were shown our cabin (more about cabins later) and we fell into bed as we had been up since 3:30 a.m. Hawaiian time. Hawaiian time is 6 hours later than on the east coast.

What a wonderful night; sleeping under a comforter completely screened in and listening to the many very hard rainstorms that come through. The air smelled great and you could almost feel the amount of fresh oxygen in each breath. We are surrounded by a jungle-like growth and beauty.

Early Monday we were awakened by the roosters doing their thing and announcing “another day in which to exceed”. They have the run of the 22 acres and are constantly looking for things, edible. They, unfortunately, seem to be on Phoenix time because they begin crowing at 4 a.m. The farm animals consist of 8 goats, two horses and 30 or more chickens.

The farm has propane gas (cooking), electric from 20+ solar panels and the rainwater is collected which is then filtered for drinking. The showers are outside. The water is heated through pipes running through a sun collector and you need to add some cool water to make it a pleasant temperature.

They have built cabins that they rent or people can take part in the work-trade program they have established. Visitor work in payment for being allowed to stay there. That means putting in 15 hours of work a week for cabin use.

The cabins are structures made from tree trunks as corner uprights which are tied in with poles made from branches from the Wili Wili trees. The whole structured is then screened and the roof is a huge tarp with 3 foot overhangs on each side. The floors are cement or leveled gravel covered with a unusual black tarp. When you are inside it seems like there is a mural painted on every wall, the scenery is that beautiful. It is primitive, but a nice way to live in harmony with the earth.

The John is just a trot down the path.

Breakfast was a “Smoothie” that consists of fresh organic goat milk yogurt, macadamia nuts, local honey, fresh bananas and coconut, honey, vanilla beans and passion fruit all blended with ice (all the ingredients were either from their land or from the neighborhood). Something I was looking forward to since our last visit 14 months ago.

Then Karin, Scott & Lauren came to our cabin and we exchanged items and talked about the many things they have accomplished since our last visit. They have arranged things so they rarely have to go to town because they live off what they grow on their 22 acres and trade with neighbors for things they haven’t begun to raise, yet. They arise about 9 a.m. and after a leisure breakfast begin their four or so hours of upkeep and spend the rest of the day enjoying their life. They like to say that they always try to be up “by the crack of noon.”

When we walked their 22 acres to see what they had accomplished since our visit last October we saw a large number of really big invasive weed trees that had been felled (Albezias). They are the type of tree that are now used by Hawaiian canoe makers and they have a man interested in hauling some of the trunks. The remainder of the wood will just lay where it dropped and revert to fertilizer in short order. Seems that everything happens quickly in a rain forest. Things grow fast and return to the earth quickly.

When we mentioned to Karin that the mail she was sending out needed another 2¢ stamp, she was completely surprised. She said she never heard about that. And, of course, not having TV, except to watch DVD’s, they wouldn’t. They live in their own world here.

No one here listens to the radio. In fact they don’t have one. So unless someone had mentioned it in an e-mail, they probably wouldn’t know if we had engaged in another war. They live even more remote to world events than the Amish in Pennsylvania. And I don’t see anything wrong with it. It’s a very relaxing life.

Today, Gail and I fought the good fight! We weeded one entrance side of the driveway. The weed (stink maile) is a running plant that sends out streamers and every foot or so it roots again. To remove it you have grab a group of those streamers and pull them loose. Not easy as I found out because a sore back muscle developed, but was gone by the next day.

It’s really fighting a losing battle against the rain forest. You know it’s only a matter of time when the weeds will again try to take over and eventually they will win. Think of what happens when a mall closes down and in a year the macadam is broken through by clumps of weeds.

We spent two hours today basking in the Hawaiian sun. Oh, I forgot, I did tell you about the weeding project, didn’t I? We had a pleasant shower afterward.

Delicious spinach-like green leaf called edible hibiscus as part of our dinner along with local beans and breadfruit which taste and looks very much like potatoes. We had cornbread ground and baked by our granddaughter made from their corn and tonight we are having a roasted wild pig that they shot, butchered and have kept in their freezer. Smells delicious and my job is to keep the fire burning.

On another day Gail & I got up and had tea and oatmeal and then gathered some tools and went down to do more clearing at the driveway entrance. We decided that it would be best if we started before the sun got strong. After an hour or more we felt we needed some refreshment and walked up to the kitchen where Karin had a Smoothie for us.

Plans are to add a small pond with a tiny island in the center to protect the ducks they intend to trade for. The chickens and their eggs are menaced by a small animal called a Mongoose that they know will become a duck problem. Traps are set to catch Mongoose and once killed the parts become food for the chickens. What goes around, comes around.

One sunny day everyone made ready for a mile and half walk pushing empty wheelbarrows to the top of a hill where we could see the ocean. There were seven of us (one 21 year old male intern from Montana and a woman from France) and when we arrived at the coconut tree grove Scott explained how to tell the good ones from the bad ones. We filled up all the wheelbarrows and sliced three open to drink the milk, which really looks like water. It was very refreshing and when drunk through a straw using a hollow papaya branch, even better.

The mile and one half seemed longer coming back with our load. At the chicken area we dumped our load and Scott split a couple for the chickens to dine on. They also enjoyed the papaya we brought for them and the horses.

Lunch was fresh greens, breadfruit, mango chutney, pork and goat cheese. All fresh and all most delicious. Gail and I did the dishes while they went to do some chores. Now, to spent some time reading.

Getting older has it’s advantages.

Tonight we will be having papaya sprinkled with fresh lime juice, pork, fresh eggs and greens since last night Scott and Karin got home so late that Gail made pasta as she felt we needed to eat and go to bed. She just can’t wait to get me in bed. Been like that for years.

Our usual morning…… Gail & I get up around 6:30 and walk to the kitchen. Make a kettle of hot water for tea back at our place and I cook a couple of fresh eggs and have them with a piece of bread. The eggs have the reddest yolks I’ve seen and it’s because the chickens are free roaming like chickens used to do. While this is going on I check in on the internet for e-mail. We usually cut up two oranges to take with us and sometimes papaya with a sprinkle of fresh lime.

Each morning when we decide to rise there are at least three chickens sitting in a log outside our hut watching us. What an experience it is each morning to have 10 or 15 chickens follow you to the John and then hang around watching you do your business only to follow you back. I guess things are kinda slow for them here, down on the farm.

Because of heavy rain we sat around and talked most of the rest of the morning with Scott, Karin & Lauren. Lauren, who is 13 years old and going on 21, is home schooled and taught by Scott, Lauren and this year a teacher from Oregon. She has had various teachers and is an unusually versed girl. She tends the horses, chickens and milks the goats and does it all with a big smile. A very happy girl who sings and dances while attending her duties.

After lunch, Scott took a new intern, from Canada, around to explain what he wanted her to do. One of her jobs would be harvesting bananas. To do so you cut the entire tree down with three cuts of a machete. The tree is much like a huge celery stalk and grows back quickly. Once the tree is dropped you cut the large group (rack) of bananas free and take it back to the barn where it is hung from a rope which allows each ‘hand’ of bananas to be cut loose from the rack with a special curved knife and stored in the fruit safe. Yes, each tree produces one stalk of bananas.

Lunch was next and then off to clear some small trees and dig up three banana trees and transplant them to another area. The idea is that when trees are cut down something is going to take over that area and it’s best to plant what will serve the farm best. The banana trees are dug out using a … which is a 6 foot heavy mental bar with a point on one end and a chisel-like blade on the other. You keep pounding the chisel end all around the tree until you are finally deep enough to begin prying it loose making sure you have as much of the root as possible with it. Load them in a wheelbarrow and off you go to plant them. Then a shower for me, a lay-down listening to the public radio station on my radio, followed by “messing” with my banjo.

This followed by dinner and then watching some DVDs. To bed at 11:30. The DVDs were sent here by our first daughter, Kathleen, who lives in Lancaster, Pa. with her husband.

Up at 6:30 and a breakfast repeat of yesterday. Reading until the gang get up. Then in preparation for the Permaculture Students visit, Karin and I dragged about 18 black tarps to another part of their property. Each tarp is 12 by 50 feet and is used to cover over growth that they want to replace or clear. It will lie there for 3 months when most things below it will have died. After that we replaced two gates; one to the horse corral and the other where the chickens used to stay and is now used as a rotating paddock for the horses.

There were 13 in the permaculture group that toured the farm and they seemed quite impressed with the tour and the information presented by Scott.

Next day up at seven followed by a trot down the path. Roosters have been calling from farm to farm since 4 a.m. Soon Gail should wake and we will go up to the kitchen to boil water for our tea and I’ll have a small dish of oatmeal.

Gail and I went down to continue our weeding at the entrance to the farm and after reported in for our daily Smoothie drink.

Lauren is riding her horse over to a nearby farm for her riding lessons. Karin, Scott, myself and a young intern guy are to bike to the mailbox and then harvest some Ironwood trees to use as living fence posts. A four mile trip. We brought back over 100 very small trees and spent the evening trimming each and planting each in it’s own pot.

Monday the 15th it rained all day and we adjusted rather well by having breakfast, talking, going on-line for e-mail, having lunch and then walking to our place to read and rearrange this tale of no cities.

I just realized that we have to start getting things organized and packed to leave Wednesday morning and here it is Monday. I haven’t shaved since we arrived nine days ago. I really shouldn’t let my legs get so hairy, but living in the forest like we have been doing certainly brings out the beast in a man!

Tuesday – oatmeal for me and a smoothie for the two of us. Called both airlines to be sure they had us flight listed. We shoveled cinders that are to become the pond in the future, wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow. After much sweating we were reassigned; Gail involved with the new garden clearing and future planting, I with Scott closing in the horse training circle with bamboo. Lunch was with an invited friend, Ann, consisting of her salad of yakon, tree tomatoes, orange and coconut, then wild pork burgers with homemade chocolate for dessert. Everything from their farms.

Wednesday – Up early again and packing to fly to Oahu. Plane to leave a 4:15 p.m. and Scott & Karin have borrowed their neighbor’s covered pickup truck to take us to the airport and then take care of a few chores in town. Raining hard all morning and we had to stand under the carport tarp to keep dry waiting for the truck.

At the airport we were told the flight was not crowded and we had no worry so we all went to lunch. We almost missed the flight because lunch ran a lot longer than anticipated. Karin drove quickly and we made it just on time. It was true……. the flight had open seats and for the very first time we were being called by name as we were going through Security. We ran with shoes untied and caught the flight.

Arrived about 5 p.m. on Oahu found a seat for our wait until our midnight flight leaves and hopefully with us on it. If all goes as hoped we are to land in Phoenix 8:50 a.m. Phoenix time. We truly decided that we were not going to be called for that flight as the take off time got closer and more and more showed up for it. It would mean a wait in the airport until midnight, next day.

We were called and spent five and a half hours trying to get sleep in our assigned seats. Gail got some and I didn’t because one leg would not settle down, so I walked a good bit on the plane. But, we were certainly grateful that we were on that flight.

come september, the first thing i noticed was my bean trellises looking neglected, the jungle successfully encroaching into my perennial peanut lawn, the coffee beans, bright red begging to be picked turning darker and darker brown on the trees….

i realize that i can have ANYTHING i want, i just can’t have EVERYTHING i want.

So, instead of eating taro, fresh beans and roasted feral pig for dinner, some nights when i eat at all, i am eating store-bought rice, black beans and packaged cheddar cheese… (with a freezer filled with pork roasts, the bread fruits ripening, the katok plants are falling over from the weight of their nutritious leaves). i have to admit that local food isn’t always as fast a food as i’m wanting or have the energy for.

i feel a sense of embarrassment about my swift decline away from my goal of eating sustainably. my goodness, i had just barely gotten comfortable (and perhaps self-righteous) at my 80%-from-the-land mark.

but i also recognize the importance of educating my daughter. i’m beginning to see clearly that just as relying on others to grow and ship my foods, build my house, provide my electricity and water etc. is not serving me or the planet, neither is letting the same system that tells me: “commercial agriculture is the only way to feed me, i need a bigger army and more weapons to ever feel safe, to go ahead and consider the insatiable-consumptive american lifestyle my birth right, i can find happiness by smelling “morning fresh”, a new car will get me a hot date…” how can this same voice be trusted to educate my dear one? does it have to cost feeding me with commercially produced agriculture?

how can i throw my daughter to the wolves who want her to tone herself down, who want her to believe what she is taught without question, who shame her into becoming homogenized instead of explode with her beautiful uniqueness and strong voice?

how can we have second generation of homesteaders if all our children are taught to chase the carrot of MORE?

oo, i try to resolve myself to focus my energy as best i can. i try to be gentle with the voices (inside my head) that scold me for being a hypocrite or not doing enough. and i continue to realize that eating sustainably and homeschooling are not mutually exclusive.

in fact i decided to leave hawaii, ticket in hand until i met scott.

all it takes are a few days of horizontal rain, wet socks (inside the house), rat shit on the rim of my iron teapot or another ruined tin of dragon pearls jasmine tea and i’m wondering what exactly they mean by paradise. this is the rain forest and not the sandy beaches kind of tropics.

but then the rest of the days are so easy. i love my life so much that i dread going anywhere. i love our evenings together so much that i resent company.

i have thoughts like believing there is no real world beyond what i can see with my own eyes. do places like iraq, washington dc and melting ice caps exist in the same world? are they any more or less real for me than the places i visit in my dreams each night?

twenty-two acres and a quirky neighborhood that surrounds it, this is the size of my world.

i remember when i was building my earthship, had to buy, finish (sort of) and move into a tiny (about 500 sq ft.) version of the earthship. at first i was feeling claustrophobic in such a small enclosed space. but once my life squeezed down to fit i noticed i liked that life more. i loved looking at my possessions and asking myself “why would i ever need two spatulas? am i expecting to do a pancake party some day?” out went the second spatual. it felt so good, i did more and more.

same thing when i gave up driving when i lived in portland. it took a bit of time but once i adjusted my live to my circumstances, wow, what a better suited life.

giving up having a phone for a year, same thing. first it was hard but then i realized that i was no longer the person my freinds called with their dramas or emergencies. i was too unavailable. and i kinda liked that. i had to learn to make plans with a disclaimer attached “if i’m not there by 6:30 go without me, i can’t call.” immediately life actually got better.

next it was relationships parring down. noticing when my inner voice towards a particular friend was consistently “high maintenance” and then letting the relationship drop away. not easy but such freedom.