Subsistence Farming - Hawaii

i can appreciate the pull of the world which makes hunting for wild mushrooms become a chore instead of a delight. this school year i have changed my primary focus from eating sustainably on the land to focusing on high school-level home schooling with our 14 year old daughter.

come september, the first thing i noticed was my bean trellises looking neglected, the jungle successfully encroaching into my perennial peanut lawn, the coffee beans, bright red begging to be picked turning darker and darker brown on the trees….

i realize that i can have ANYTHING i want, i just can’t have EVERYTHING i want.

So, instead of eating taro, fresh beans and roasted feral pig for dinner, some nights when i eat at all, i am eating store-bought rice, black beans and packaged cheddar cheese… (with a freezer filled with pork roasts, the bread fruits ripening, the katok plants are falling over from the weight of their nutritious leaves). i have to admit that local food isn’t always as fast a food as i’m wanting or have the energy for.

i feel a sense of embarrassment about my swift decline away from my goal of eating sustainably. my goodness, i had just barely gotten comfortable (and perhaps self-righteous) at my 80%-from-the-land mark.

but i also recognize the importance of educating my daughter. i’m beginning to see clearly that just as relying on others to grow and ship my foods, build my house, provide my electricity and water etc. is not serving me or the planet, neither is letting the same system that tells me: “commercial agriculture is the only way to feed me, i need a bigger army and more weapons to ever feel safe, to go ahead and consider the insatiable-consumptive american lifestyle my birth right, i can find happiness by smelling “morning fresh”, a new car will get me a hot date…” how can this same voice be trusted to educate my dear one? does it have to cost feeding me with commercially produced agriculture?

how can i throw my daughter to the wolves who want her to tone herself down, who want her to believe what she is taught without question, who shame her into becoming homogenized instead of explode with her beautiful uniqueness and strong voice?

how can we have second generation of homesteaders if all our children are taught to chase the carrot of MORE?

oo, i try to resolve myself to focus my energy as best i can. i try to be gentle with the voices (inside my head) that scold me for being a hypocrite or not doing enough. and i continue to realize that eating sustainably and homeschooling are not mutually exclusive.