Subsistence Farming - Hawaii

i never thought this way would be my way. really.

in fact i decided to leave hawaii, ticket in hand until i met scott.

all it takes are a few days of horizontal rain, wet socks (inside the house), rat shit on the rim of my iron teapot or another ruined tin of dragon pearls jasmine tea and i’m wondering what exactly they mean by paradise. this is the rain forest and not the sandy beaches kind of tropics.

but then the rest of the days are so easy. i love my life so much that i dread going anywhere. i love our evenings together so much that i resent company.

i have thoughts like believing there is no real world beyond what i can see with my own eyes. do places like iraq, washington dc and melting ice caps exist in the same world? are they any more or less real for me than the places i visit in my dreams each night?

twenty-two acres and a quirky neighborhood that surrounds it, this is the size of my world.

i remember when i was building my earthship, had to buy, finish (sort of) and move into a tiny (about 500 sq ft.) version of the earthship. at first i was feeling claustrophobic in such a small enclosed space. but once my life squeezed down to fit i noticed i liked that life more. i loved looking at my possessions and asking myself “why would i ever need two spatulas? am i expecting to do a pancake party some day?” out went the second spatual. it felt so good, i did more and more.

same thing when i gave up driving when i lived in portland. it took a bit of time but once i adjusted my live to my circumstances, wow, what a better suited life.

giving up having a phone for a year, same thing. first it was hard but then i realized that i was no longer the person my freinds called with their dramas or emergencies. i was too unavailable. and i kinda liked that. i had to learn to make plans with a disclaimer attached “if i’m not there by 6:30 go without me, i can’t call.” immediately life actually got better.

next it was relationships parring down. noticing when my inner voice towards a particular friend was consistently “high maintenance” and then letting the relationship drop away. not easy but such freedom.