Subsistence Farming - Hawaii

with food i notice i am moving towards eating one food group at a time each meal (versus combining starch, protein and greens as i was raised with). with community and friendship i am moving towards being here now with the people i can see, touch immediately.i love seeing the facial expressions, i love the silences, i love the integration.

keeping strong connections through the internet and even the phone is no where near as rewarding or enriching. AND i realize the cost to me of my choice.

when it comes to the size of my world, i am moving towards local: building materials from here, foods from here, friends from here, staying close to home (biking, walking), being aware of the local politics and ignoring much of the rest of the world.

when it comes to “work” i am moving towards direct work (which means to me that i build my own house, i grow my own food, i provide my own entertainment, i milk my own goats (well, lauren does), i teach people in the neighborhood what i have learned). these things feel - how do i explain it — natural, right, in integrity.

i know there are trade offs for these movements i am making. it is rather inconvenient to have to bike to a friends farm, do physical labor together and then still have to bike back home, but its also not even a choice anymore. i just do it. i’m not weighing the pros and cons so much. and i am living in two worlds as i transition AND i am sometimes giving up more than feels good (especially when it comes to visiting/connecting with friends and family who are not here).

our friend clive was here a few days ago helping us move piles of cinder to cover rocks in the horse pasture and he said to me: “karin, there is only one thing we have control over in our lives, and that is our thinking. we can’t control what happens to us, we can only control how we deal with it.”

i tell my friends and family, i want you to write when you feel inspired, i want you to expose yourself and reveal yourself as much as you want. i don’t take it personally when you do it less than i expect because i don’t expect. i want it to be a treat when i get an email from someone and i want to be able to absorb it and choose to reply or not. i have moved too far along this path of being true to myself and others to turn around and perform to anyone’s requirements. no friendship is worth that kind of pressure for me.

despite the occasional trade offs, this life is working for me is such a beautiful way. more and more i am present, i am engaged in an intimate way with what is before me and around me. it is far more real for me to spend an hour chatting with the hawai’ian guy who just delivered some cinder blocks and talk about his bad marriage, his beautiful kids, his love of stock car racing than to chat on the phone with someone a few thousand miles away or even think about the current cost of gas. i am not trying to live in a way that brings about the best possible result. that’s living for the future. instead, i am trying to live naturally and learn to accept all that it creates.