Subsistence Farming - Hawaii

i often think of your mom. she really helped me out during some difficult times as a teen. she listened to me as if I were someone that mattered and she responded to my sharing with compassion and wisdom. i felt so stuck. your mom told me “karin, to thyne own self be true” and i thought about the situation from an entirely different perspective.

some years ago my sister kathy got a call from a second cousin once removed (or similar). she hadn’t seen or spoken with in many years. the cousin was asking kath to be in her wedding. kath was absolutely shocked. she didn’t understand why this stranger of a second cousin would be asking her. well, it turns out that at some point when the cousin was young, kath listened and responded to her in a way that made a difference. kath finally understood but was soon even more shocked when she found out the bridesmaids had to wear pink frilly hoop skirts and carry parasols!

the summer is going well. scott and i had a dozie of a few months in terms of power struggles. this is the time when that stuff happens. i feel so grateful for the consciousness I put into my commitment to him and to our marriage. it was the glue that enabled us to weather the storm and we got to a place of deeper intimacy because of it.

i remember back when i thought a healthy relationship was one where there was no struggle or conflict. i certainly don’t judge my relationship by those standards anymore. when i was in college i took a marketing class. the professor said much that i immediaely forgot, but he said one thing that make more and more sense to me. he said that brand loyalty is not the result of a product or service meeting the customer’s satisfaction. they expect that. what creates brand loyalty is when a product or service does not meet the customer’s satisfaction AND they have a positive experience with how that is resolved with the company. i started to think of conflict with people that way. no confilct = no deep connection, confilct = potential for intimacy.

luckily scott and i have “tools” i never had in past relationships to help us be vulnerable when all we really want to do is go numb or get distracted/busy or get armored. we got to look at what was beneath the drama. the “theater” our struggle played out.

you have a daughter that is about to drive. oh my. lauren is right on her heels. how can we be so old? i look at kath’s kids and can’t believe that tim is getting close to 30! the good part of all this is i can’t wait until lauren has children. i really want to be a grandmother (not the associations that come with the title but the part where I can hold them and spoil them and not feel any responsibility for “training” them.)

you asked about our intern program. we think it is such an amazing opportunity. we feel so satisfied with the program. we get to have people from all over come here eager to experience the life that we are creating, eager to learn to gather their own food and ride a bike instead of hop in the car, to get away from the “noise” of the mainstream world, to experience an option that isn’t obvious. people see that they can live a good life and not have a “job” for money. not because they packed away lots of money but because they don’t spend much money anymore. i love parring down. but I often have to check myself because I seem to be hard wired to expand, complicate, create more, bigger….

scott’s father and step mother and two young nephews were visiting and the boys (11&12) were s bit shocked by our life here. no game boy, no shopping, no flush toilet, no pantry of packaged foods (well some). at first they were scared of the jungle but within a few days were begging us to let them machete some more vegetation, to harvest sugar cane. etc. the 12 year old was making plans to come here next summer and build himself a cabin and stay on.

however not everyone loves it. my dear friend in california came here with her daughter after a hysterectomy to recover, savor simplicity and lack of obligations. for a variety of reasons it didn’t work for them. perhaps the isolation, the lack of stimulation, coupled with the bugs, the rain and missing their community of friends and family were too much. i feel sad at our loss.